We, as a collective, are in need of deep grief work. Grief for the state of the world, the seemingly endless hurts and injustices happening everyday, and the fact that so much of it is completely out of our control. And these grieving parts of us need to be acknowledged and intentionally given space and expression. 

But it’s difficult to learn how to grieve in a culture that ignores and fears. We are not a grief literate society, we are a grief phobic society. And to take that a step further, we are an emotion phobic society. We are afraid to feel, and this fear leads to an ignorance regarding how to handle intense, painful emotions. It leaves us with zero skills. 

Cutting through the fear is a practice. In order to learn how to grieve, we first have to challenge the belief that emotional pain is dangerous. No matter how painful or intense our emotions may be, they are not a danger to us. The actions we take in response to our emotions can be dangerous, but the emotions themselves are simply waves of energy moving through our body. Waves that wash through us and can learn to be ridden to the other side. 

When we avoid feeling our grief—or don’t recognize our grief for what it is—our grief doesn’t go away, it comes out in other, often destructive and harmful, ways.

Because emotions are energy, they must be expressed in some way. Period. There’s no way around this truth.

It is our responsibility as adults to learn how to feel and tend to our emotional selves. To learn how to tend to and feel our grief, so that we aren’t unconsciously taking out our pain on others - or on ourselves.

There is a lot we can do by turning our focus back on ourselves, and making sure that we are well taken care of; that our immediate circle—friends and family—is well taken care of; and by focusing on the needs of the community directly around us.

Choosing to put ourselves first is not selfish. We cannot be help to anyone, we cannot make any kind of difference out in the world, if we aren’t taking care of ourselves first. And a part of taking care of ourselves is learning how to make space for our grief.